did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
