my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
