I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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