I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
