Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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