I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
