I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
