but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
