did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
