I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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