I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The air was thick with penises
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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