Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
