I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
