We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
