I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
