Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm drive I can fine osifer

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  (212): I'm drive I can fine osifer http://tfl.nu/zjuj
  Replies (28) Good night (1441) Bad night (2163)
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  (323): View more from California

  I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

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  (323): I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village. http://tfl.nu/cmft
  Replies (16) Good night (5450) Bad night (668)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  where do you find these guys?

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  (703): so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen" (1-703): where do you find these guys? http://tfl.nu/45ye
  Replies (8) Good night (1292) Bad night (4002)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.

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  (206): Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun. http://tfl.nu/3gwj
  Replies (39) Good night (11825) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived

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  (603): dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived http://tfl.nu/mii6
  Replies (16) Good night (5040) Bad night (580)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.

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  (413): You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago. http://tfl.nu/l8io
  Replies (10) Good night (5949) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.

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  (734): Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable. http://tfl.nu/e8ez
  Replies (7) Good night (4866) Bad night (1054)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap

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  (904): masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap http://tfl.nu/sdgt
  Replies (9) Good night (3657) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place

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  (360): im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place http://tfl.nu/ws4h
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (2939)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.

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  (910): He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today. http://tfl.nu/xbxf
  Replies (5) Good night (1129) Bad night (1795)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.

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  (601): Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions. http://tfl.nu/sp7r
  Replies (14) Good night (492) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink

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  (402): I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink http://tfl.nu/3wto
  Replies (8) Good night (915) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.

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  (540): I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher. http://tfl.nu/sltj
  Replies (3) Good night (777) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!

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  (916): She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come! http://tfl.nu/rtar
  Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Alcohol

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  (503): Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door? (1-503): Alcohol http://tfl.nu/w616
  Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (225)

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