Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.