So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed