Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.