Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level