ADVERTISEMENT

• (515): View more from Iowa

  Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

  Fav 48 1215 2283

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night

  Fav 10 1124 5183

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class

  Fav 10 3510 1298

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.

  Fav 6 2991 922

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...

  Fav 3 1022 1839

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?

  Fav 8 1731 791

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (417): View more from Missouri

  Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?

  Fav 4 875 2055

  share tweet
  

• (464): View more from Illinois

  He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.

  Fav 10 2809 966

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.

  Fav 1 1476 696

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (518): View more from New York

  There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."

  Fav 3 1232 524

  share tweet
  

• (816): View more from Missouri

  Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so

  Fav 1 701 477

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (415): View more from California

  My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.

  Fav 3 1016 592

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.

  Fav 0 435 150

  share tweet
  

• (650): View more from California

  Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven

  Fav 0 158 74

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (480): View more from Arizona

  She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.

  Fav 0 14 21

  share tweet
  

Randomize