Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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