i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
