i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize