And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
