trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
