I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
