I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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