Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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