I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
