No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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