I'm so fucking centered right now
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
