I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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