Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
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