what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
