dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
