If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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