I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
