I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
