drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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