im having a threesome with these popsicles
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
