I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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