Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
