My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
