so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
