ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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