he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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