and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out