My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.