Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
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Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.