dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.