Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right