I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.