i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
