I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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