he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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