i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
