he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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