I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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