im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
