A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
