Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
