Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
