we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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