Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
