What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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