So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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