Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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