He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
