I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
