look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
