There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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