My sheets look like a crime scene.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
