STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
