we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
