my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
