So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
