I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
