he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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