some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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