I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
