I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
