Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
